Overwhelmed

As I think back on life since December 23, I think it is safe to say that “overwhelmed” pretty much describes it for me.  I don’t really think that I have had the time I need to take in my mother’s death yet either.  I have transitioned from her primary caretaker in life to her estate business manager since her death.  I have had deadlines to get her things moved out of two different places, which is not a big surprise.  I knew someday this would likely be the case, having to get a move done quickly after her death, but I never thought I would be moving out of two places at once.

When Mom was released from the hospital in early January, I moved her to the same facility where she was for several weeks last year and received such good care for rehab.  However, after a few days in this facility for care with Hospice, the experience was completely different and not satisfactory at all.  The folks with Hospice assisted me in locating a more suitable facility where she would have her own private bedroom and bathroom, as well as her own furniture, and miraculously, I was able to get both Mom and much of her furniture moved in about six hours.  The new place was absolutely perfect for her situation, as it was a private home that was a fully licensed nursing home for ladies only.  The staff there was very familiar with this type of situation with Hospice, and I will never regret moving her there, even though she only lived a week there before she passed away.  She had both her regular bed and a hospital bed in the room, and she was able to sleep in her own bed until her final day when the Hospice nurses finally had to move her to the hospital bed.

This was our second experience with private “in-home” nursing homes in our area, and both were great experiences and far better than more institutional options for Hospice care.  My husband’s mother went through a similar experience just over a decade ago.

Moms Room
Mom’s room in the private nursing home. What a blessing this place was to her and all of us in the family in her final week.

As a result of this move, I have had to clear her things out of both this new place and her former apartment very quickly.  As of yesterday evening, both places have now been vacated, with some things being moved to my house, my sister’s house and a storage unit for some out-of-town family members that have an interest in her estate.  While there is still much to do, this particular burden is now off of my shoulders, and I am grateful for this progress.

I am the executor of my mother’s estate, and this is a whole new experience, for sure.  I am fairly familiar with the process, having worked in the banking industry for a decade, but actually being the executor is quite a job.  I have already spent hours on an Excel spreadsheet to divide my mother’s personal property three ways, and she only lived in a one bedroom apartment.  I cannot even imagine having to do this if she was still living in her big house.  Thankfully, she divided most of her personal property a decade ago when she sold her house and moved to a retirement community.  There is also a rent house to be handled in her estate, which hopefully will not be a problem.

Due to all these things that have needed my immediate attention, I really have not had a single day of down time since Mom passed away.  My nephew has helped me a little bit here and there to take care of the needed moving, but other than that, I have had to do everything on my own.  When my father died, we had a lot of time to take care of things, such as clearing out his clothes out of their home.  This experience has been so different and so hurried, due to the necessity of getting Mom’s things out of two different places, and I can honestly say it has been far worse than I thought it would be.  I was prepared in my mind for what would need to happen, but I was not prepared for how hard it would be emotionally.

I’m exhausted and need a break soon.  Hubby had to resume his work travel this week, too.  Today may just be the day I just let everything go for a bit and have some down time.  I had dinner with our son last night, and I am scheduled to have dinner with a couple of dear friends tonight.  We have all had a tough start to 2015 in our own ways, but hopefully things will start to get better for all of us soon.  I cannot even begin to properly share how important my daily Bible reading, quiet time and gratitude exercises have been in all of this.  I am thankful for these healthy habits today, for sure.

Even when times are so very hard, God is faithful and provides.  Despite everything right now, I see the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

D
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Author: DK

Blogger at My Five Fs (Faith - Family - Food - Fotos - Fun) and Animal Wonder. Empty-nester that now shares life with my hubby and our two standard poodles. Enjoys camping in our RV, taking and editing photos, trying new low-carb recipes, baking pretty decorated cookies for special occasions, walking daily, spending time with family and friends when we can, playing with the dogs, and is grateful to God for every single day of this blessed life and for the opportunity to share and connect with some great people here.

10 thoughts on “Overwhelmed”

    1. Thanks again. I had a nice long visit with my good friends tonight and feel more like a human being again. There will come a day soon when it will all start to subside as far as the craziness, and it could certainly be worse. Need to count my blessings, not my trials. I appreciate your kind words!

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  1. No matter how great one’s faith, death remains an enemy. Loss is a terrible thing. My mom struggled with cancer several years. Peg’s mom succumbed to cancer after barely a year. Her dad had surgery after which he spent 12 weeks unable to communicate and scarcely even move. And my dad — well, my dad took the family out for a weekend of fun at the Wisconsin Dells, then came home and fell asleep in his La-Z-Boy with a smile on his face never to awaken. No matter how death comes it’s a shock to those left behind.

    Humans don’t make it easier, though. We’ve been through the executor role twice and it can be it’s own form of hell, forcing your to revisit thoughts and memories you’d rather not.

    All I really want to say is ‘This too shall pass.’ I know it’s hard to hear but God is good. All the time. And all the time, God is good. Finding his goodness in the midst of pain and hurt is not so easy — I know — I’ve been there. But our blindness does not alter the reality: He IS Good.

    I don’t know about you, but I always found the greatest loss to be apparent when our loved one was NOT present to say or do something we had come to expect of them. For us, grieving was less about active loss on our part than it was about the perceived sense of loss when something didn’t didn’t happen that our loved one would have caused.

    Find some time for yourself. Let yourself grieve in whatever way works for you. There is no right way to grieve.

    God bless you.
    Peter

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    1. I absolutely agree with your point on when she is not there when I expected her rather than being an active loss. I’ve always been that way. Fridays are already tough, tough, as that was always our day for lunch and an outing afterward. And holidays will be the next big hurdle, since she always spent them with my family. My sister and sister-in-law just wanted to be with their own kids and grandkids for the most part, so she was a regular part of all of our holidays. She also lived nearby on a street that I will continue to frequent, and I will always think of her when I drive by her apartment there. I will also miss seeing her friends, the few that were still around, as I know I will not see them as often but will still try to stop by on occasion to check on them unless I think it is painful on them for me to stop by. It may be time, at least for awhile, to look at some new options for the holidays,a nd the RV may play into that, if our son can come along most of the time. We don’t want to leave him “high and dry,” for sure. I will also regret that if we ever have grandchildren, my mother will not be here to see and hold them. I will never have that four generation picture that so many friends have cherished. But, yes, God is good all the time, and all things can bring us closer to him if we allow that to happen. I know this truth very well, and there is actually some comfort in having to just tell him that this is more than I can do and just let it go. Grateful for so many truths that I have learned in life, including this one. Thanks for your support and your kind words, Peter. I appreciate it very much.

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      1. As for it being painful for your mom’s friend for you to stop by — I’m not so sure about that. OLD people need companionship and on some levels I think the old who have survived their friends need it most. I would encourage you to continue seeing them. Just one person’s opinion. From my own experience as a pastor I think its a good thing.

        Life is resilient. All forms of life. While it may not feel such at the time this could very well be an entry point for you into a very new and different life than you ever expected but a very spititually profitable one. When I left the ministry I despaired of what I would do — that was all I ever wanted to do — but God took Moses out of Egypt and put him into the wilderness for 40 years before he was FIT to do what God wanted — and sometimes we aren’t much different. Hang in there.

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  2. My heart goes out to you. I know what you’re going through; I remember those feelings all too well when my father passed (he was my last living parent). It’s not just mentally and physically draining but so emotionally draining as well and often you feel like you just haven’t taken time to actually grieve. Keeping you in my prayers and sending love and hugs your way. The Lord will carry you through.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and love through all of this, my friend. I think we are all just still a bit shocked at how quickly she went. I guess we all had seen her living to be 100, since her overall health had been so good, relatively speaking, so our own expectations were pretty unfounded, I guess. We are all doing ok at this point, but like I said in an earlier comment to another reader, I think it will really hit me once things get back to normal and Mom is not there when I would normally expect her to be there. It’s already happening in a few ways, and it chokes me up terribly every single time. I’m not sure we ever get over that but perhaps it won’t be quite as surprising or painful on down the road. Still giving thanks every single day for my blessings, and oh my, what a different exercise that has become lately, especially the “laughter through tears” days. God is good… all the time! Thank you again for your lovely words today. It means a lot. ❤

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      1. You’re right that we don’t ever really get over losing our loved ones. My mom passed away 17 years ago this month and I still think “I’ll ask Mom” for an answer to one thing or another. Each day will get a little better for you but the thing is to take the time you need to work through your grief. Much love, my friend. Keeping you in my prayers.

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  3. I’m so thankful you have your faith to bring strength in trying times, and keeping up your spiritual disciplines. My husband and his brother are in charge of everything since their mother passed and father is in a nursing home. And it’s all in another state. I know how hard it is for the two of them, and can’t imagine you handling it on your own. My prayers are with you. Sorry I’ve not been able to keep up in a timely manner.

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    1. I appreciate your kind comments very much! I won’t deny how hard this has been and continues to be for me at times, but God is good all the time and seems to provide what I need to just get through each day along the way so far. Problems in life are inevitable, but suffering is optional. I keep reminding myself of that fact daily! 😉 Thanks again for stopping by!

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