Saying Goodbye to Mom

Mother ribbon sm

It is once again Friday morning.  I woke up about an hour ago, realized it was Friday, and reminded myself that I need to call Mom after she is done with breakfast around 9 a.m. at the place where she lives, and has lived for the past six years.

But, I then quickly realized that there is no need to call Mom because she is no longer with us.

Mom passed away on January 20 at 11:24 p.m.  I was with her by her bedside, as was a wonderful nurse from Hospice.  We were the only two people with her when she just suddenly quit breathing, took only a few more short random breaths, then left us to run into the arms of Jesus, leaving me reeling from her passing, which was a day or two earlier than what we had been told would likely happen by the nurses caring for her.

No more Fridays out with Mom.  Ever.

Mother ribbon sm

Instead, I have a list of appointments with the attorney, the broker, the funeral home and the monument folks who will soon be etching her date of death on the marker that she placed on her own grave site back in 1999 when Daddy died.  She has missed him so very much, just as she has missed my older brother, and if there is any consolation to me right now, it is the fact that I truly believe she is with them once again, along with many other family members and friends that she has deeply mourned for years.  It is some consolation, but honestly, not much.

I haven’t had the ugly cry yet.  I am trying to put it off until I get more of her business affairs in order and can eventually just try to relax a bit.  There has not been time for that since late December and probably won’t be time for at least a couple of weeks at best.  I guess I am afraid that once I break down, it may take a while to get back up or something.  But, it will come.  It always does.  I’m betting it will come when my hubby resumes his work travel next week and leaves me home alone for the first time since her death.  It won’t be his fault, but being alone will now have a whole new meaning in my life.  I also don’t think the reality and finality of her passing has truly hit me yet.  I know it will at some point.

I have been able to share some brief tidbits on Facebook with friends there through this sad time of her illness and death, but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually write more from my heart here.  This is about the best I can do right now, but I think over time, I can start writing again.  I’ve always been able to move on at some point after a tragedy and loss, and I trust it will happen again.

For the first time in our lives, my husband and I have no living parents.  I am now a matriarch at age 56.  That just doesn’t seem right.  I’m too young to be without a parent, I think.

Time to get ready and head out for all these not-so-fun appointments.  I would much rather be looking forward to lunch at the steakhouse with Mom instead.

I miss you, Mom.

D
All Original Content — © fivefs.wordpress.com — All Rights Reserved

Advertisements

Author: DK

Blogger at My Five Fs (Faith - Family - Food - Fotos - Fun) and Animal Wonder. Empty-nester that now shares life with my hubby and our two standard poodles. Enjoys camping in our RV, taking and editing photos, trying new low-carb recipes, baking pretty decorated cookies for special occasions, walking daily, spending time with family and friends when we can, playing with the dogs, and is grateful to God for every single day of this blessed life and for the opportunity to share and connect with some great people here.

14 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye to Mom”

  1. My sincere condolences D. I almost emailed you since you hadn’t posted in a while but felt you were probably overwhelmed with life’s responsibilities. I lost my mom 3 years ago and visiting Mustang Island recently (her favorite place) made me feel close to her. Hang in there. Sending thoughts and prayers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much. Overwhelmed is pretty much what it’s been since Christmas, for sure. Hopefully things will start to slow down soon. I have lots of catching up to do, including here. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers, and thanks for your concern as well. Sorry to be tardy in relaying the news here. Just too much on my plate right now, it seems.

      Like

  2. Dear Denise, May I just say again how sorry I am for your loss. When my mom died very unexpectedly at age 59, I was only 29, with two small kids underfoot and I was absolutely devastated. I cried for days. My husband worried that I would never be the same again, and I know he thought I would never quit crying. I did quit crying, but it was and has never been the same again. There was some consolation in the fact that my Mother was with the Lord, but I wanted her here! I couldn’t fathom trying to navigate motherhood without her wise counsel. But of course I did, and I have. I miss her every day and it has been 31 years! My dad passed away 11 years ago also, so yes…I know how sad it is to be without parents. You will feel sad, overwhelmed and alone…there is just no getting around the fact that there is now a hole where your mom once was. Having said that, God is our comfort, and He will be there for you, and has been there for you. “underneath are the everlasting arms” Deuteronomy 33:27 Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much. She had a good, long life, and we were blessed to have her ten years after my mother-in-law passed away. Our fathers both died before our mothers. But at age 93, we knew this time would be here soon, too. I appreciate your comment very much, and I know it will be easier as time goes on, even though that hole in the heart will always be there, too. ❤

      Like

  3. Our (Peggy & My) sincere condolences D on the passing of your mom. It hasn’t been that long since one by one our parents passed and life has never been the same, and won’t be. But that is the cycle of life and gradually we all move from being the youngest to being the oldest in our clan.
    By grace you’ve treasured up memories to last a lifetime and she’ll be with you in a totally new way henceforth. Prayer helps. And grief is such a personal experience that we all have to do it our own way. Just be patient. Just because others have an ugly cry or some other manifestation does not mean that you must. Allow yourself to be yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind words. A good friend continually reminds me that no one loves you like your mama, and I know I will miss that love in my life going forward. I know that God will eventually open new doors of service for me, and I will look forward with anticipation to that time. She was pretty much my service for the past decade, as well as my dear Mother. I will just take the time needed to bounce back, then jump into this next phase of life when the time is right. Thanks again for the condolences from both of you. It means a lot right now.

      Like

  4. I am so sorry. My dad passed December 21st and your statement about being too young to be without a parent resonates. Even though my mom is still with us, his death quickly put my siblings and I in a whole new role. No longer the carefree kids playing in the yard, the reality is upon us…our age and our mortality. Daddy left in peace…with the world, and with God. My hope is that your mother left in the same manner. And may that bring you peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am very sorry to hear about your dad’s passing, too. Mom had great help from the folks at Hospice to stay as comfortable as possible during the month she was ill and dying. They are all angels from Heaven to do what they do. You are now in the place I was in the past fifteen years, being in charge of your mother’s well being. It is an awesome job to be sure. I hope you have help from your siblings as you now take care of your mother. I’m glad your father went in peace. I feel that my mother did as well there at the end. Take care and take things easy for awhile, and I will do the same. Peace to you and your whole family. ❤

      Like

So, what would you like to share today? Thanks!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s